Part 3 of 3: First Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Tournament Reflection

Part 3 of 3: First Jiu-Jitsu Tournament. Part 1 was published on January 29 and Part 2 on February 16.

I was led back to the mat with the second competitor, we shook hands, and the referee started the match. This time I went right for my grips and pulled the opponent to the ground. My scissor sweep worked on the first try and I now was mounted on top of him. I could hear my coaches shouting at me to look at the time and slow down.

We still had four minutes out of five left so I took time to compose myself, rest, and maintain my position of dominance, thinking already that I needed to conserve my strength for a possible next match. When I was ready, I tried for an S-mount arm bar but could not break his tightly held arms from his body. I alternated back and forth from a choke to the arm bar but could not finish either. The match concluded with me still on top and because I had swept him and mounted, I won 6-0.

My hand was raised this time, but I was exhausted. In the weeks leading up to the tournament I would frequently check the brackets and there was only one other opponent. About a week or so before, a late entry appeared.. I had only mentally and physically trained for one five-minute round and now after the adrenaline dump, and going at competition pace for two rounds for a total of 10 minutes, I was spent.

I walked back to the pen and was met by my coaches. They told me great job but I had to get ready to go again. I was leaning over on the rail between us and they grabbed my arms and began to massage my forearms and wrists which were on fire from gripping so hard for two rounds. My daughters came over to check on me and we took a quick picture.

I got the signal to go again and I walked back to the mats. I didn’t bounce around this time as I waited, trying to save a little energy, but did run out to center of the match trying to rally and get focused. I shook hands with my first opponent again, who probably looked much more composed than I did, and the match started. I got grips this time easily but when I pulled him down the referee stopped the match. I wasn’t sure what happened, but it turned out because he grabbed my foot as we went down, it counted as a sweep against me. I was down 0-2 already, worse than my first match with him.

We started in my guard position and I committed more to the arm bar and triangle but was still unsuccessful. All of a sudden the referee said something and my opponent and I both stopped and we separated. My opponent stood up and backed away from me, while I remained sitting on the ground. We looked to the referee who was looking with surprise back at us. Shortly there after, we heard someone from the crowd shout, “No one stopped the fight, go!”, and my opponent dove back at me. I could hear his family screaming next from behind the barrier right next to us.

This time, however, I moved without thinking and we began to grapple more freely. I escaped an arm bar and ended up over and on the side of him. I heard one of my coaches yelling for “knee on belly” and I placed my right knee on his stomach while gripping his collars of his gi. My left knee was on the ground, though, and I learned after the match it had to be off the ground to score points. I was able to move on top and around to his head and started to set up a D’arse choke, but the whistle blew and the match was over. I looked to the scored board and I had lost 0-2.

As I walked off the mat I had mixed emotions. I was very grateful to have closure but also was frustrated and wanted another chance now that I had actually seen and experienced what a tournament match was like. Though I was disappointed in my performance but I was also grateful I got to compete in three matches. The challenge made the tournament, my birthday and retirement weekend much more meaningful. My coaches congratulated me and I walked over to check in with my team and thank them for the support.

We lined up for the trophy podium and received our trophies for first, second (me), and third place. As noted in Part 1 of this story, there are not a lot of people rolling around in their 50s, at white belt, and in the heavy weight division, and there were only three of us today.

I stopped my two other competitors to grab a picture together, and then I went with my oldest daughter to the pick up the free tournament t-shirt for her. I was happy to be done and not injured, but I was disappointed in my performance.

I spoke to my father as we got ready to leave and he said something I will remember the rest of my life. “This is the best thing that could have happened to you. First you got to have three matches, and more importantly, you didn’t win.” I looked at him confused. And he said, “How do you think it would look to your daughters if you did win everything all the time. It’s an unfair expectation and standard for them that they will struggle to live up to. They will have loses in their own lives and now you can set the example of how to face them in a humble, open, and learning way..

A few months later I was at my oldest daughter’s swimming meet. She swam well but did not place in the top three swimmers in her heat for the day and didn’t get a medal. She was very disappointed and I tried to console her by saying it’s okay not to win all the time. I mentioned trying to comfort her, “I didn’t win my jiu-jitsu tournament.” She immediately replied, “Yeah, but you got second!” Remembering my father’s wisdom that day, I was humbled again. It gave me perspective and was suddenly grateful for my life and those experiences that may seem like losses but can also actually be our greatest gifts.

It’s been almost a year now since my one and only jiu-jitsu tournament. My second place medal lies on a shelf in the basement getting dusty. My daughter’s medals from her summer swimming are piled next to it.

"God will not protect us from anything. He will sustain us, unexplainably, through everything."

John Finley - Former Trappist Monk